Jessica Simpson NOT to Star in a Uwe Boll ‘Metroid’ Adaptation

Go Fanboy is reporting a more-than-likely bogus rumor that actress Jessica Simpson has “secured” the role of Samus Aran in an adaptation of the Nintendo video game Metroid. The icing on the cake: Uwe Boll is to direct.

“Actress Jessica Simpson is rumored to have secured the role of Space Bounty Hunter Samus Aran in a Hollywood version of a Nintendo game. In the game, Metroid, the hero controls Samus on her goal to rid the world of energy sucking beasts called Metroids. Think of it as a cross between Aliens and Dracula.”

“Simpson is excited to restart her movie career and is reportedly taking part in the selection of Samus’ love interest. Simpson’s publicists has also confirmed that she will be contributing to the plot. “Ms Simpson feels the plot is too complex and would like to move the plot closer to it’s core story of love and adventure.”

The movie, rumored to be directed by famed director Uwe Boll will feature a wise cracking ethnic METROID played by the fat kid from GOOD BURGER.”

I would just like to take the time and say this is NOT true, thank God.

4 Responses to “Jessica Simpson NOT to Star in a Uwe Boll ‘Metroid’ Adaptation”
  1. unknowntheartist says:

    The fact that Jessica Alba and Jessica Simpson are two completely different human beings would make it untrue on at least one of their parts.

  2. unknowntheartist says:

    It’s more than likely true on Miss Simpson’s part.
    (She got called up for Alba’s part in Sin City first and effed up the audition, then went on to make fun of it on her Newlyweds show. Bet she’d still be married and slightly successful if she had nailed that part…)
    Judging from her lack of career atm, she might just have to deal with maniac Uwe. They’d make the perfect disillusioned couple, hehe :)

  3. Soo Feger says:

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